Don't get too serious
The Great Big List of Calorie-Free Foods
Ever wish there were foods you could eat that didn't contain any calories? Wish no longer. These foods don't contain a single calorie and can be eaten guilt-free.
It's a little known fact that some foods can, in certain situations, go from being fattening no-no's to being totally calorie-free simply by mangling your perspective. Here's a list of those foods and situations.
1. Anything sampled when preparing food - If you're taste-testing, those tastes are calorie-free. If you're cooking for someone else and aren't going to be having any yourself, those tastes actually have negative calories and can help you lose weight.
2. Anything eaten off someone else's plate doesn't count. If you can get it when they're not looking, that's negative calories again.
3. Food "rescued" from the floor - When the "3 second rule" is in effect (i.e. it's still good if it's only been on the floor 3 seconds or less), that snack has zero calories. Plus, if you have to race your dog to it and you win, you're allowed another bite from the original undropped item for free.
4. Out of necessity, food that is eaten on the day of the expiration date has no calories. After all, we don't want that triple-chocolate fudge cake to go to waist... I mean waste.
5. Anything eaten on your birthday, a friend's birthday or a family member's birthday has no calories. This includes family and friends whom you haven't spoken to or mentioned in years.
6. Foods that you've never tasted before are calorie free. If you don't recognise it, eat it guilt-free. If you can't even pronounce the name, that's negative calories.
7. If you live in an Italian family, your fifth and sixth helpings are calorie-free. Besides, "You're too skinny, you need to eat more."
8. The calories of any leftover foods will be added to the total of the day you originally started eating them on. This means the calories from the leftover pie you eat on Wednesday only count on Tuesday, the day you originally started the pie. And who cares about yesterday?
9. If you can eat it through a straw, it has no calories. For example, if you can get a piece of spaghetti through a straw, you deserve it.
10. Anything that contains the word "free" in it has to be calorie-free because advertisers would never lie or try to sell you a product that would make you fat. This principle also applies to the words "lite" and "reduced."
11. The last item or bite on any plate has no calories. For instance, the last biscuit? No calories. The last slice of pizza? No calories. The last box of doughnuts? No calories.
If you put all of these calorie-free foods into your diet, you will have great success in watching your waistline - it will be way out in front of you where you can see it!
Glossary of gym training terms
The Truth About Eating Fat and Heart Attacks
Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a
relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Have a piece of home exercise equipment that's collecting dust? Give it new life with these handy tips!
Almost everyone has bought home exercise equipment at some point in their life, be it a few rusty dumbells at a boot sale all the way to a complicated new home gym.
But how many people continue to use it consistently? Here are some uses (that you should never, ever actually take seriously, of course!) you may not have thought of for your forgotten purchases.
1. Dumbells - The original dark garage booby trap.
Dumbells make great children's toys. They are, of course, heavier and more dangerous than a barbie doll and are not really as exciting as a video game but they certainly are cheap and hard to break.
Tenderizing meat - bash the meat with the dumbell repeatedly. Great shoulder and arm exercise too! May increase the iron content of your food significantly.
Bowling - set them on end and use them as pins. You will need a really heavy ball for this.
2. Ab Rollers - These are the abdominal training devices that feature a head rest attached to a frame that you set your arms on so you can rock, rock, rock your way to six-pack abs.
Roll cage for a toboggan - for the safety-minded parent. Protect your child from the heartbreak of a rollover accident on the sled hill by having him or her carry this while going down. Nevermind that they won't be able steer because they're holding onto the thing...
Tenderizing meat - lay the meat down below the head rest and rock violently back and forth on top of it.
Baby toy hanger - nothing good on tv? Hook some old christmas tree ornaments from the top crossbar and set your baby underneath. You'll both be amused for hours!
3. Thighmaster - no wardrobe is complete without this device. You simply set it between your legs and squeeze!
Keeps doors closed - jam it in the corner behind a door. When you open the door, it squeezes the spring. When you release the door, the stored tension closes the door automatically behind you! At 40 miles per hour!!!
Tenderizing meat - set the meat on the counter, squeeze the Thighmaster shut with your hands then release the spring on top of the meat like a bear trap.
4. Electric Ab Training Belts - Electrocute your way to a flatter stomach!
Unfortunately, they aren't very good for keeping your pants up, so that's out of the question.
Place mat/food warmer - somebody running late for dinner? Set their plate on it and turn up the juice!
Tenderizing meat - set the meat on the counter, place the belt on top of it, turn it to the highest level, then lean down on it with all your weight as it tenderizes and sears at the same time!
Driving safety gear - does your spouse have a tendency to get sleepy at the wheel? That's a thing of the past when they've got the belt on and you've got the controls in your hand...
5. And last but not least, every piece of equipment that has handles, bars, hooks, stacks, pins, corners, rails, seats, clips, stands or attachments and does or does not come in a box... CLOTHES HANGER!
You Know You're a Dedicated Trainer When...
1. If, on a job application, under
"Previous Employment," you've listed weight training and under